


Memory, Reality

by Peachmangoflavored



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Character Development, Cheesy, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, I don't know how to use tags yet, i guess it gets fluffy later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachmangoflavored/pseuds/Peachmangoflavored
Summary: X6 learning more about being a regular person after spending some time at the future director's settlements. Based a lot on building relationships; not sole survivor centered but one of mine is included.





	1. Trust

X6-88 can clearly remember the day that Danse's world turned upside-down. He never really liked the paladin; X6 could certainly admire his fighting capabilities, and would admit, with some prodding, that he could admire Danse's loyalty, even if it was to the brotherhood of steel. But he never liked the man. The feeling was mutual, as was the feelings of most of the general's friends towards X6. He could tolerate them, and them the same to him, because the general cared for all of them deeply. In truth, X6 wasn't even sure if he liked the general. She was strong, and intelligent, and could take a beating almost as good as any courser, but X6 was always taught never to like someone, never to trust them, because he was a courser and his job was to serve the institute and only the institute. 

The general and Danse had left Sanctuary exactly five days beforehand after having visited the prydwen for three days. X6 remembers taking note of the general wearing her power armor, which he had never seen her in before, even though it was obvious she had some experience. Her bag was packed to the brim with extra rad-x and radaway, along with fusion cores and extra plasma ammo. Immediately he was set on edge, knowing that the future director of the institute was going to the glowing sea, even if she was traveling with someone as skilled as Danse. 

X6 had gone back to the institute to run a mission to nab a runaway synth, but when he returned to Sanctuary he found that the general still wasn't back. Immediately this struck him as odd, but none of the general's friends were concerned, and he quietly tucked himself into a corner of the general's shack and waited patiently for her return. 

The sun was just setting when X6 heard the tell-tale sign of X0-1 power armor approaching, but what surprised him was the heavier step of two models of that type walking his way. When they came closer several of the general's friends came to greet her, but the exhausted look on her face caused even X6 to draw backwards and give the two in power armor some space. The two parked their power armor in the makeshift garage the general had built, but instead of immediately beginning maintenance as Danse always insisted on doing as soon as they stepped out of their metal shells, the general wrapped an arm around Danse's torso and walked him to his room, heads held low. 

Curiosity often got the better of the general's companions, but that day even X6 knew it was wrong to intrude. Only dogmeat dared to approach Danse's room, and like the general, he didn't leave until morning. Over the next few days, X6 remembers the general constantly returning to Danse's room, while Danse himself didn't leave. It was nearly a week later when Danse appeared, when the general was away helping a settlement with a ghoul problem.

X6 only watched out of the corner of his eye as Danse quietly approached Nick, of all people, and whispered something, head bowed. Danse was disheveled, with dark circles under his eyes and a shakiness to his frame. X6 briefly thought he would make an excellent target for any wastelander to attack, but only watched as he spoke to Valentine. 

Nick's eyes had widened when Danse approached him, but his face turned to one of compassion and understanding as Danse led him to a far corner of Sanctuary. X6, bored with settlement life and slightly curious, stealthily followed, justifying to himself that it was a good way to practice his stealth so he wouldn't get rusty sitting around. He settled behind a young tree and listened. At first, it was just Danse sitting hunched over, head in hands, until Nick put his left hand on his shoulder and asked what happened. Danse's voice was small, and X6 had to strain his ears to hear.

"I shouldn't have bothered you-"  
"Look kid," Nick had interjected, "you hate me. You wouldn't have come to me unless you were desperate. What's wrong?"

X6 remembers how he had subconsciously leaned in a little closer, intrigued, as Danse had sighed deeply and began to speak again.

"I'm no longer a member of the Brotherhood."

X6 was so startled he nearly jumped. 

Nick was clearly in the same boat as X6, his eyes wide and face confused. "What do you mean Danse? Did you leave? Were you kicked out? What happ-"

Danse finally turned to face Nick, blocking both their faces from X6's view. 

"I'm a synth Nick.... They want me dead, I want to be dead!" His voice was strained, like his confession was too much for him. X6 was floored. There was a hiding synth under his nose this whole time, and he didn't have a clue. Nothing could have prepared him for what Danse said next.

"If Kayla hadn't convinced me, and then Maxson, that I should be allowed to live, they would have executed me." He paused momentarily. "I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it myself, but I tried to let her do it. She wouldn't."

X6 flinched inwardly, recoiling at this new development. He suddenly wondered what could have possibly been going through the general's head, to convince a synth that his life was worth anything. He knew she had a bleeding heart and cared far too deeply for others, but if Danse was a synth, he was replaceable. Why wouldn't she just let him die?

Nick was silent, but put his undamaged hand on Danse's shoulder again, as if he was at a loss for what to do. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, like he was trying to soothe the other man's crying. 

"She convinced Maxson to let you live?"

Danse was silent for a moment before speaking. "She convinced both of us. When I found out...." He choked on his tears and Nick comfortingly squeezed his shoulder.   
"I think.... I think she would have killed him if he didn't let me go. She had that look in her eye." X6 knew that look well; when the general isn't thinking straight and is going to pull a risky move. It always set him on edge; although the general could pull herself out of almost any situation, she was no courser, and her recklessness was going to seriously endanger her one day.

"She would have started a war with the brotherhood to protect a synth."

For a split second, X6 wondered if the general would do the same for him. He remembers the day as the first time he thought of Kayla as anything other then the future director of the institute; as someone he could possibly trust.

 

\----------

 

X6 bolted up in bed and grabbed the hand that held his shoulder, flipping his attacker over his bed and pinning them. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw who he had pinned and released Kayla, whose face was only concerned, not afraid. He leaned back, slowly noticing that he was sweating and his chest was heaving. The general pulled herself off the bed and sat in a nearby chair that X6 didn't remember being there.

X6 tried to slow his panting, but he couldn't recall the last time his heart had pounded the speed it was pounding then. He hated feeling this vulnerable in front of anyone, but especially the general and future director of the institute. The general only gave him a worried work, not leaning over to touch him again, and continued to wait for him to calm down. 

"Why are you here?" It came out harsher then he had intended, but the general wasn't phased. 

"You were tossing and groaning in your sleep. Whimpering too." She leaned forward slightly. "You ok, X6?"

"Yes ma'm, I'm fine." He replied, trying to keep his voice level. The general nodded thoughtfully. 

"Alright, just had to make sure. See you in-" she had gotten up to leave, and suddenly a flash of panic rose in X6's belly. He threw his hand out and grabbed her wrist on instinct, causing her to jump. When she turned to look at him, X6 had never felt so vulnerable. He loathed his weakness, but the idea of being left alone with the nightmare he had was far worse then any self hatred he could muster. He released her wrist and watched her fall back into the chair beside his bed, silent and waiting for her judgement.

"X6, do you want me to stay here?" She whispered gently. His reaction was instantaneous and natural.

"I trust you."


	2. Free Will

X6 clearly remembers the day he was given a human name. He and the general had been walking through the Fens on the way to Diamond city, her chatting quietly the whole way. Super mutants hanging around a bit too close to settlements, minor fights over sleeping arrangements, leaky pipes and broken door-hinges; all reasons why the general was called to different settlements. These all ended up as things she would talk about whenever she could. Her quiet droning had always been almost reassuring to X6, as talking meant nothing was going wrong.

They had rounded the corner of the tall buildings when the general's chatter cut off abruptly, causing X6 to place his hand on his gun and scan the area closely. He knew raiders often patrolled this area, and super mutants would park themselves in a building down the street, and this corner was known for the occasional feral ghoul-

"X6, what can I call you in diamond city?" She broke the silence with her question before climbing the husk of an old car and continuing her way along the street. X6, slightly annoyed, quickened his pace to catch up and replied to her question.

"X6 suits me just fine, ma'm. That is my designation." He remembered responding airily to her question, and that she wasn't satisfied by his answer.

"If I call you X6, they'll know you're a synth. You need a nickname." She didn't make eye contact and she scanned the area, giving X6 time to consider her statement. X6 realized that he never had to work with a partner like this before, and as such never needed a name besides his designation.

"I never thought about that ma'am. I believe you are correct." He admitted.

Kayla kept her face forward, but X6 could see her cheeks pull from her smile. She didn't speak as they continued walking, leaving X6 to prompt her again.

"What do you suggest, ma'am?" He tried, realizing Diamond city was only a few minutes away.

"It's your name so you need to like it, but I know creativity isn't your forte, soooooooo...." She had trailed off, watching the thin clouds far above as she thought. "Maybe something close to your designation? So you'll still recognize it as you? Maybe Xavier? Xander?" She kept her eyes to the sky as she waited for an answer.

"Either is fine with me, ma'am." X6 replied dryly. He remembers how he didn't really care at the time; he recognized having a "normal" name as being a good idea to avoid unnecessary bloodshed as a result of his status being discovered, but he cared little for the name itself.

"So Xale? Essex? Zack is kinda close right?" She continued. X6 only gave her the "quiet down" signal, lowering his gloved hand, palm down. He thought she was being too loud with diamond city guards within earshot. Realizing where she was in relation to others, Kayla squared her shoulders and held her head up higher, and X6 knew her expression changed to a friendly smile. He didn't understand why she insisted on impressing common wastelanders, but found himself squaring his shoulders and lifting his head alongside her, expressionless. 

Kayla made small talk with the guards as they opened the gate, and her smile grew genuine as Nat yelled her name and waved with both arms. A moment later, Piper popped her head out of their little shack and invited Kayla in. 

"So," started Piper, turning to X6, "I've seen you around before, so I'm guessing Kayla's picked you up for good. What's your story?"

X6 knew a lot about Piper, especially from Myrna and McDonough, and he knew he didn't like her at all. He remembers taking smug comfort in how Kayla's posture insinuated she wasn't Piper's biggest fan either. Kayla, thankfully, answered for him. 

"Oh, this is Alex. He's probably the best shot in the commonwealth." She responded casually. X6 was surprised at her choice of name, but said nothing.

"Best shot in the commonwealth? I bet Maccready would love to fight him for that title." Piper gave X6 another onceover. "Or maybe not. He's kinda....." She waved her hands around a bit, as if she was looking for the right word. "Scary. Where'd you get that coat anyways? Looks pretty fancy if you ask me."

"Oh, his father is pretty important where he comes from, so he's got some pretty cool stuff." Kayla casually responded. The irony of using the word father was not lost on X6, who smirked slightly.

"Really now? And where does he come from?" Piper was clearly getting suspicious, and X6 was already formulating a plan to kill and replace her when Nat jumped in the conversation. 

"Hey, McDonough's out here again calling you a liar Pipes!" She yelled, making a stink face. Piper yelled back to ignore him, and began shuffling her papers around angrily and muttering to herself. X6 realized that this was a chance to leave and took the initiative. 

"I believe we have other things to do before we leave the city." He remarked, and Kayla followed along.

"Yeah, we've gotta hit up Arturo's and I promised Hancock I'd pick him up some moonshine at the dugout inn. I'll say something to McDonough on the way out, ok?" She began to turn to leave out the front door when Piper responded.

"Oh would you? That would be a real big help!" She said, still fidgeting with her papers. 

"Bye Kayla! Oh, bye Alex!" Piper called out.

X6 then decided he did not like his new name very much.

\----------

In Sanctuary, people had slowly acclimated to having X6 around. He knows he scares a lot of settlers, but there's a mutual understanding that if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. 

The day was uncomfortably hot for the average commonwealth settler, and was even more so for X6, who had shed his typical institute wear for a t-shirt and jeans. He almost preferred to overheat than to look like any other commonwealth riffraff, but set aside his pride, knowing that overheating would give him the same level of weakness as being sick. X6 had just been standing around watching settlers mill about tiredly when he noticed Sturges fixing up a damaged turret. Intrigued, he turned all of his attention to the machinery, but realized too late that Sturges had noticed his staring.

"Hey, uh, Alex right? You're staring pretty hard at this here turret. You know you can take a closer look right? I don't mind an audience." He called out cheerily, waving X6 over. X6 quickly tried to think of an excuse, but realized that he had nothing better to do and reluctantly approached Sturges. 

X6 watched in silence for few minutes, both parties feeling too awkward to speak. He mused on how he had always been interested in various machinery, but the institute scientists never gave him the chance to learn and he eventually gave up. Finally, Sturges broke the silence.

"Hey, since you're already here, can you help me out a bit?" X6 raised an eyebrow slightly in a quizzical look, and Sturges relaxed visibly at this sign of human emotion. 

"It's easy, really. I can teach you, you look like someone who's good with their hands and from what the general says you're a pretty damn fast learner." Sturges' grin was infectious, and X6 found himself put at ease. 

"Very well. Teach me."

"That's the spirit! Ok, first you gotta..."

 

By the time the two had finished, the sun had set in a dull orange haze and Codsworth was announcing that dinner was ready. X6 wiped the sweat from his forehead for the thousandth time that afternoon and Sturges tried to hand him his greasy sweat rag again, and this time X6 took it without a word. Sturges smiled good-naturedly and wiped his hands on his pants. 

"Thanks for all your help today. I appreciate it. If you ever have nothing to do, feel free to come see me. I'm sure I can find something for you to help out with." He said, moving as if to pat X6 on the back but stopping himself last second. X6 nodded gratefully and handed the rag back.

"I mean it. Thanks Alex."

X6 decided that maybe his name wasn't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, it's both shorter and longer than I wanted, if that makes sense. Hope I didn't use too many commas!


	3. Friendship

X6 can clearly remember the day he realized he was lonely. It was a creeping suspicion in the back of his mind for quite some time, but more often than not he could ignore it. He was a courser, a tool, an instrument to serve the Institute and the future of the Commonwealth. He had someone he could trust, and he had freedom to do whatever he pleased as long as he was above ground. But the more time he spent at the General's settlements, the more he realized that he was lacking in true companionship. 

It was a bright spring afternoon, he remembers. Nothing much was happening, and as such many settlers were just enjoying some rare free time. X6 wandered about, waiting for the General to return home, when a series of playful barks caught his attention. He turned around the corner of a newly built house and saw MacCready throwing a small green ball across the courtyard, with dogmeat chasing after it. Dogmeat's paws skidded on the broken road and his tongue lolled as he finally managed to catch the ball, and he sped back to MacCready and dropped the ball at his feet. Curie giggled next to them, asking him to throw the ball again. He obliged and dogmeat sped off again, both people giggling now.

"You know," MacCready started, panting through his laughter, "I knew a dog named dogmeat back when I was a kid in little lamplight. Traveled with a vault dweller who had the last name Vivian too. You think they're related?" He joked, stretching his back as Dogmeat returned and dropped the soggy ball at his feet. He picked it up and offered it to Curie, who examined it briefly before pulling her arm back and throwing the ball-

Directly onto X6's courser uniform. It hit the ground with a wet plop and dogmeat slowed as he came nearer, wary. X6 stared at the ball in disgust, then looked to the duo standing at the other side of the dead courtyard tree. Both Curie and MacCready watched him with wide eyes.

"Oh, I am so sorry Monsieur Alex! My deepest apologies!" Curie called out. X6 merely nodded and was about to turn away when MacCready called out to him.

"Hey, can you, just, throw it back for us?"

X6 hesitated, not wanting to touch the saliva and dirt coated ball, then briskly kicked it over to dogmeat, who picked it up and ran back to the duo. He remembers how he couldn't help asking the question that came next.

"Why are the two of you throwing the ball? I understand it is for recreational purposes, but throwing ability is a skill that either sniper or medic requires." He approached them slowly as he said it, understanding but not caring that his movement could be taken as a threat.

"Oh, it is only for fun! The dog is having an excellent time, and MacCready and I are enjoying ourselves as well." Curie said, smiling brightly. X6 tried to back up his words slightly, believing that she did not comprehend what he had said. 

"I do not believe you understand my knowledge of the situation. I realize that this is for fun, but this activity builds skills that neither of you require, and therefore is a waste of time." He explained flatly. "Your free time would be better spent doing recreational activities that relate to your specific skill sets." MacCready answered this time.

"Oh, skill set shmill set. We're having fun. Like you'd know what fun is. I bet the institute's got a rod so far up your as-" he paused his insult to correct himself, and already X6 was tired of hearing him talk.

"Skill sets are what separates coursers from everyone else. You should work on building yours, or else soon someone better than you will win a fight you can't afford to lose." X6 coolly responded. This clearly made MacCready uncomfortable, and Curie tried to back him up.

"Monsieur MacCready is an excellent shooter and has saved plenty of lives, including Miss Kayla's. I'm sure he can take care of himself." X6 turned his attention to her.

"Perhaps he can, but can you take care of yourself Curie? Your combat skills leave something to be desired." Curie was rustled by the insult. 

"I'll have you know that my medical ability is second to none, and even if I cannot fight, people seem to like me. Although, I cannot say the same about you." She retorted, indignant. MacCready's face slowly changed to a grin.

"Damn Curie, I didn't know you had it in you!" Curie smiled back, proud of her comeback, and time seemed to slow for X6. He remembers thinking that these two, despite the one in a million odds of meeting, had become friends, and it hit him like a charging deathclaw that he was not a part of that. With anyone. All at once, he felt hopelessly alone.

X6 closed his eyes behind his sunglasses and took a deep breath, reminding himself that he was a courser and didn't need friends. Despite his best effort not to, he made the decision swallow his pride and apologize. 

"I'm..." He began awkwardly, feeling more uncomfortable once their eyes moved to him again. 

"I apologize for insulting you. MacCready, you are a sniper who's work and skill set deserves praise, and Curie, you are correct in saying that your medical expertise is second to none outside of the Institute." He stopped and looked away, suddenly very embarrassed, and the whole mood around the three became awkward.

"Oh um... Thanks? I guess?" MacCready tried to break the silence, but X6 only nodded and no one spoke again. Suddenly, dogmeat perked up from where he had sat at MacCready's side and took off running down the street. X6 tensed momentarily, but realized that dogmeat wasn't barking, which meant someone was coming home. Across the settlement, he could barely make out a ridiculously tall figure with a brown mess of hair, and realized the general coming back was his best excuse to escape. 

"Oh, Kayla's back." Remarked MacCready, and with that X6 turned on his heel and began making his way toward the general. He couldn't help the gnawing feeling in his gut, but Kayla could get him out of the situation and possibly give him something to do, meaning a distraction from the terrible feeling that he was very alone in this world.

 

\----------

 

X6 wasn't sure if he wanted to return to the Institute or not. The general didn't need him to accompany her at the moment and he knew that he should continue to run missions, but some part of him didn't want to go. He found the commonwealth and its creatures disgusting, the people pathetic, and just the sky far too open for his liking. He didn't want to muse on what was holding him back, but at the same time understood that it was necessary to think it through.

Nearby almost every settlement the general controlled she built a sniping post, or a "sniper nest" as she referred to them. They were quiet, hidden, and could survey the entire settlement, making them X6's favorite places above ground, as well as one of the best places to think. 

X6 slipped quietly out of the hubbub of settlement life and toward the bushy tree that held the Sanctuary nest. So buried in his own thoughts, X6 didn't even realize the nest was occupied as he swiftly climbed the tree. Pulling himself into it, he nearly flinched as he saw the person, who just glanced his way and returned to watching the sky. X6 was unnerved; they knew he was coming, but he had no idea they were there. He settled in the opposite corner of them and avoided looking at them, annoyed with himself.

"Hey." Cait said next to him, eyes focusing on the thin clouds streaking the late summer evening. "Didn't expect to see you here. You want one?"

X6 glanced over to see her holding out an unopened Gwinnett stout, her own half-finished bottle right beside her. 

"No." He responded is his typical monotone voice. "I don't drink." Cait shrugged as she pulled the bottle back in. 

"I figured as much, just trying to be polite." She continued to watch the sky as the awkward silence began to build up. X6 hated the fact that this silence made him uncomfortable struggled to find some way to end it without turning tail and running like a coward. 

"Are you doing well with your recovery, Cait?" He inquired, trying his best to sound friendly. He meant well with his question and only realized his mistake when Cait literally straightened up in anger.

"That's a pretty fuckin' rude question, Alex, and it's none of your damn business." She spat out. X6 was surprised by her outburst, but confused when she suddenly relaxed again and took another sip from her beer.

"Look, I'm sorry for snapping. I know you're trying your best and all, but you really need to work on your socializing skills. They're downright terrible." She said. X6 shifted uncomfortably. She was reading him like a book, and he hated that she was getting under his skin so easily. Trying to change the direction of the conversation, he approached the topic from another angle.

"Socialization is not a necessary skill for coursers. That aside, the average human learns socialization skills throughout their childhood, something which coursers lack." He said coolly. Cait, surprising him yet again, barked out a strange laugh. 

"Hah, that explains why I'm almost as bad as you! I think I'd prefer not ever being a kid at all to the life I had as a kid." X6 turned to look at her, mildly intrigued, and her face burned from the sudden attention.

"Look, I'm not one for sharing my life's story with the friends of my friends, but I will tell you it fucked me up pretty damn badly. That's why I'm the way I am now."

"Does that apply to other aspects of your life besides socialization? I have noticed you are prone to violence and avoiding your problems; not too much unlike myself." X6 felt vulnerable, and it was starting to eat a hole in his gut, but he felt as though he was losing control over what he said as they slipped deeper into the conversation.

"Hah!" She barked out again. "Being emotionally stunted will probably do that to you." X6 finally managed to tear his gaze away from her face and look toward Sanctuary, immediately more relieved at the loss of a single focus.

"I guess we have more in common than I originally thought." He responded, almost distantly.

"Really now?" Cait said, turning her face to watch the settlement below them as well. "I can be the judge of that. What's your opinion on mirelurks?"

The question was easy enough, and yet X6 found it strangely difficult to reply.

"I hate them. They're disgusting and loaded with disease, like most other creatures of the commonwealth." Cait laughed.

"I kind of got to agree with you there. I hope they all go die. What do you think about kids?"

"The presence of children almost make me nervous. They lack the ability to protect themselves and therefore are a liability."

"I feel you on that one. I don't hate kids, I just don't want to be around them. I'm afraid I'll fuck them up like I'm fucked up, you know. What do you think about the other synths in sanctuary?"

X6 paused a moment before answering. 

"Curie is doing well for herself and others; I can respect her for that." Cait quirked an eyebrow, and X6 was suddenly too glad that she couldn't read him. "Danse has the skills and training necessary to be an excellent ally, and he has a surprising amount of leadership and teaching skills. He is living proof that synths can go far beyond their original programming."

"That must be a scary thought for you, huh?" Cait responded, trying to gain the upper hand in the conversation again. 

"What do you think about how Kayla is so nice to everyone she meets?"

"If you ask me, I think she's being too nice. Acquiring allies is always good, but I think she wastes a lot of resources helping those who don't deserve it."

Cait nodded rapidly in agreement. "See, you get it! She says she doesn't want to be selfish, but she earned everything she has and shouldn't just give the clothes off her back to a stranger!" X6, only half listening, suddenly understood why he was enjoying this conversation; it was a battle of wits, of trying to read each other's minds, and Cait was proving herself quite good at challenging him. His thoughts were interrupted by her next question, and when he looked at her, she had her face turned to the sky.

"What do you think about chems?" Her voice seemed quieter, and even X6 knew that this was a touchy subject for her. 

"I refuse to endorse them. They have too many negative side effects on top of running a risk for addiction and infection if they are not sterilized properly, which I seriously doubt they are."

"Good." Said Cait, sounding almost tired. "Keep hating them. Don't do what I did."

X6 couldn't think of a response to what she said, and he suddenly felt very awkward. He had been considering the conversation to be a battle, when Cait was actually trying to be friendly. X6 decided to take another approach to the conversation, trying to close the gap he was creating.

"You know Cait, I've seen you fight. You aren't half bad for a wastelander. I would say that aren't very careful in a combat situation, and a single bullet could easily catch you off guard."

"If you're so concerned about me, maybe you should show me some of your moves." She grinned, glad that X6 had changed the subject before it got any more personal. 

"I couldn't care less if you lived or died, but I know the general would be heartbroken should something happen to you." He responded, avoiding eye contact. He was surprised when he received a playful punch to the arm.

"That's bullshit and you know it. I'm growing on you already. Can't blame you for trying to lie though." She grabbed her beer and finished the last of it, considering the unopened bottle for a moment before getting up and climbing out of the tree. X6 felt compelled to follow her out. Once Cait reached the ground, she turned and grinned up at him.

"Hey! You're welcome to join me whenever I'm up there. This was almost fun. You're not too bad for an institute guard dog." X6 found himself grinning ever-so-slightly back.

"You're alright for a wastelander."

It wasn't until he was getting ready for his nighttime watch shift that he realized the lonely feeling in his gut had disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this chapter is as good as the first two, but I got tired of looking at it. Also, if there's a quality drop from here on out, it's because I held onto the first chapter for months before posting, the second for several weeks, and this one for only a few days. Hope you guys like Cait, cause there's gonna be some more of her later on.


	4. Family

X6 remembers the day he realized he had something other than insects to be afraid of. He knew that Kayla kept some weird mementos of her travels, but the last thing he expected to find in her home was a busted synth component held in a small glass jewelry box. He remembers that on that day, Kayla had asked him to retrieve a small bag from her bedroom and he noticed the jewelry box purely by accident. Looking at the box unnerved him; he became very aware of the small chunk of plastic in the back of his head, and felt as though he was looking at his own mortality on display in front of him. He quickly retrieved the bag and made his way toward the sanctuary bridge where Kayla was waiting.

Kayla smiled sagely at him as he approached; he noticed that she wasn't wearing her traveling armor, but instead a brotherhood bomber jacket and jeans. As came closer, he saw she wasn't carrying her usual travel bag, and her only visible weapon was her .44. He came to the conclusion that they were going to have a conversation instead of running a mission or helping a settlement, and he felt his stomach drop at the thought of it. He wanted to think about everything that he could have done wrong, or how circumstances could have changed and she didn't need him, or that Kayla could have left the synth component out on purpose as a form of psychological warfare, or- 

Kayla closed the gap and took the bag from his hands, motioning for him to follow her. He snapped out of his anxious spiral and silently scolded himself; he had distracted himself to the point where he didn't notice her approach. A repeat of this could mean death. He was lucky he was in a relatively safe environment.

Kayla visibly relaxed as the two broke line of sight with sanctuary, but X6 struggled to relax alongside her. As they walked she glanced over at him, and X6 watched the gentle smile melt from her face as she scrutinized his posture. She wasn't talking, which meant something was wrong. X6's chest tightened and the horrible thoughts began to return despite his best efforts to calm down. He couldn't shake the feeling something was bad and Kayla was hiding something.

Finally, they reached the Red Rocket that Kayla had made into a Minutemen workshop and, after checking to make sure they were alone, Kayla climbed up to the roof. X6 slowly followed, not knowing how to free-handedly climb the building like she did, and was surprised to see her setting up a blanket near the giant rocket and settling down. X6 followed suit and sat next to her.

"Hey." She started simply, and X6's mentally prepared himself for the worst. "Do you know what day it is?"

X6 blinked rapidly behind his sunglasses, taken aback. Kayla nudged the bag at him, and when he opened it a box of fancy lads snack cakes fell into his lap. He looked up at Kayla and saw her grinning from ear to ear.

"It's been exactly one year since I asked you to run with me! Like an anniversary!" She giggled at his confused face before continuing.

"I don't think you have a birthday, so I gotta work with what I got. Anniversary means cake, so come on!" She dug into the bag and pulled out a box of dandy boy apples and two Nuka colas, popping off the caps as she turned to the sky. X6 remembers being confused, yet relieved and oddly comfortable as he watched her take in the cool late-winter air. 

"Thank you, Kayla. I hadn't realized so much time had passed. Seems like just yesterday I was watching you tear out a deathclaw's guts for the first time." Kayla laughed as she took a bite of her apples, and X6 began to help himself to his treat. As they reminisced about when they first started working together, X6's mind wandered off to the synth component she kept. He decided to take advantage of the causal atmosphere and ask her.

"Kayla? That synth component in your room; who did it come from?" Kayla was stunned momentarily, but quickly recovered.

"Oh... That was the first courser I ever killed. The chip I used to get inside the institute." She laughed. "It's not really fair to say I killed it though. Danse did most of the hard work and I was just a distraction!"

X6 felt a phantom pain at the base of his head where his chip was located, and moved to rub it awkwardly. He knew Kayla had killed a courser, she needed to in order to teleport into the Institute, but he still felt uncomfortable hearing her say they killed one. 

"You know, I never imagined a normal synth could do what Danse can, even wth his military background. He would have made an excellent courser." Kayla's eyes widened, and he quickly realized his mistake.

"How...? How did you know? I didn't think he went around telling anyone. I thought I was the only one who knew..."

"I overheard him when he told Valentine." X6 admitted, leaving out that fact that her purposely eavesdropped out of curiosity. 

"He told Nicky?" She stopped to consider for a minute before nodding. "Yeah, Nicky was the right person to tell. He's like, team mom, except he's a synth dad watching over his team of traumatized adults." Kayla laughed at her own bad joke, and X6 realized this was the best time to ask her about her relationship with Nick.

"You call Valentine your dad quite a lot. Do you really consider him a parental figure, at your age?" Kayla chuckled fondly in response.

"Yeah. I was really close with my family. Everyone I loved is dead now, so I had to make another family. Honestly, Nick's the best dad anyone could ask for." She was struggling to keep the mood light, but she had piqued X6's curiosity and he wanted to ask her more. Kayla was quite the character and he wondered if there was a rational explanation to certain aspects of her personality. 

"Your old family. Tell me about them." He said plainly. Kayla looked at him out of the corner of her eye, took a deep breath, and set her box of apples down. 

"My parents were wonderful people... They loved my brother and I with all their hearts and worked their asses off to put me through college. My brother wanted to go to CIT for engineering.... He could have been a founding member of the institute. But he was drafted." X6 watched her whole face change to a look of quiet fondness, and he suddenly felt the need to back away and give her privacy. 

"I went to medical school and he went to war. He came back bc his ankle got royally fucked up-" she laughed softly as she said it, and X6 found himself smiling along, even though he didn't understand why she laughed. 

"He got a girl pregnant and she dropped the baby on his doorstep and ran, and that's where Shaun came from." X6 was visibly startled. Kayla caught the confused look on his face and laughed weakly again, but he was too confused to feel embarrassed.

"Wait, are you saying that Shaun isn't your son? The institute always refers to you as his mother." 

"After I moved in with him, people kept mistaking us for a couple. We're twins, we just don't look too alike. Vault-tec probably assumed we were married, and that's where you guys got the wrong information. Shaun is my nephew." X6 was thrown for a loop, but Kayla kept plowing through. 

"After my roommates were murdered, I moved in with him to help him raise the kid and for us to support each other in the aftermath of what happened. I lost my job and dropped out out of school because I was so scared and heartbroken.... The war hurt him too. We needed each other, and we stuck together; that's what families do."

X6, still recovering from the last piece of news, felt like he was sucker-punched with new information. Kayla was looking at him expectantly and he struggled to find something to say.

"Your roommates were murdered?" He managed to get out, and he saw her eyes turn distant.

"Yeah. I was at work, I came home to our apartment and found the bodies. Everything was stolen too. Just like that, my three best friends and everything I worked for was just... Gone. I guess that's the norm now, but back then it was a pretty damn big deal." She seemed so lost in her her own thoughts that she gave X6 time to think, and he realized this had given him the answers he was looking for.

"I can't imagine how terrified you must have been. Do you think that is a cause for any psychological problems you currently experience?" 

Kayla considered his question for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess so. I freak out when I don't know if those I love are safe, and I guess the constant guilt could come from being the survivor too." She sighed heavily. "I shouldn't have these problems, but I'm working through them, you know? My new family; they support me when I need them, and they're helping me through things." X6 found himself wanting to comfort her, but didn't know how. He awkwardly touched her arm, and she only hummed to accept his attempt.

"Why do you call them family if they're just close friends?" He ventured softly. She still had her nephew alive, and he didn't understand how she could call these people her family but not him.

"It's like...... Nick's always there for some dadly advice, or a stupid joke, or a comforting hand. He's just a dad to me. And it's like Strong... He calls me brother even though I'm not a mutant. We're just.... close. And Piper and I don't really get along, but if someone threatens her or her sister you can bet they'll have hell to pay." She fiddled with the bottle in her hands.

"And Danse.... When shit hit the fan, I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. I was so scared of losing someone I loved, I would have done anything to protect him." She suddenly looked X6 dead in the eye, making him shiver.

"That's when you know they're family. When you can't stand the thought of losing them."

As she returned to her deserted snack box and changed the subject to much lighter talk about a fight she saw in GoodNeighbor, X6 realized the scariest thing he could ever fathom.

He was just as scared of losing some of them as she was.

 

\----------

 

The Institute is gone.

Destroyed.

Blown up in a cloud of orange smoke.

He was right there when it happened. X6 was on top of that building with the Minutemen when it happened. He was there when they relayed out. He was there when Kayla was trembling so hard she could barely flip the switches. He was there when everything went up in smoke, and he was there when Kayla just sat down and sobbed.

X6 watched his home, his creators, his hard work and his hope for the future all go up in flames and crumble into dust.

He did nothing to stop it. He didn't want to stop it. Why, he thought, was he still crying?

Two weeks had passed since the Minutemen won the war with the Institute. There was so much to do; so many scientists to evacuate to spectacle island, so many synths to move into Railroad safe houses, so many Minutemen to bury. X6 had been setting up defenses for the weakest settlements, had been running alongside Railroad agents to dispatch any surviving coursers trying to get revenge, he had been redirecting Brotherhood patrols to CIT so they could study the remains of his home. These two weeks he had been dodging the hushed whispers that followed him.

'Isn't that the courser that the general ran with?' 'Why didn't he chose to protect his owners?' 'Can we really trust a synth, even him?' 'Is he one of us now?'

He wasn't one of them. X6 knew he wasn't a minuteman, or a railroad agent, or certainly not a member of the Brotherhood. He wasn't a settler or a trader or a leader. He was just X6. 'No,' He mentally corrected himself. 'I'm just Alex.' No title, no last name, nothing but his own two hands and sharp mind. He doesn't belong to the Institute anymore. He doesn't belong to anyone.

'Then why,' he thought to himself, one shaky morning back in the sniper nest at Sanctuary, 'am I crying for the Institute?' X6 had stood behind Kayla the entire time everything happened, and yet he was crying for the enemy. He hated this, and he hated himself for it. He wanted things to be easy, for him to just be loyal to her and her cause and not doubt himself like this. If he cared enough to not stop her, than why was he this upset? He wondered if he really was loyal to Kayla after all.

When Cait climbed into the tree, she found X6 sitting against the wall, knees up and face buried in them as if he were trying to block out the world. She almost backed out of the tree, feeling uncomfortable, but when the wood made a particularly loud creak underneath her hand and X6 didn't even notice, she realized how bad he was and stayed put. She sat next to him and cleared her throat to alert him to her presence.

X6 immediately ceased trembling, but kept his head down and didn't look at her. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave.

"You know, I didn't even think coursers could cry. Figured the eggheads downstairs would have just programmed it out of you." Cait tried weakly, hoping for some sort of reaction. When she received none, she took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself to handle this.

"Look Alex, I'm not exactly good at this whole comforting thing, but Kayla isn't around so I'm the best you got. If you wanna talk, I'll listen." X6 realized that even if Kayla wasn't busy, he wouldn't be able to talk about this with her. It pained him to open up to anyone, but he knew from observing others that doing so could be incredibly helpful for one's head. He wiped his eyes and sat up, leaning his head against the wall, and quietly confessed how he was feeling. His sentences were clipped and he had to choke out some parts, but as he watched Cait's face change he felt comforted. When he finished, his chest already felt lighter. Cait stared at her hands for a second before ripping her heart out of her own chest as well.

"I cried when I killed my parents." She confessed. "They were scum of the earth, terrible people who never loved me and sold me into slavery. But I stilled cried like a little baby when I killed them." X6, shocked at her confession, opened his mouth to say something. No words came to him and he was very grateful that Cait kept talking.

"I didn't love them at all. When I was younger, I still believed in them! I still thought they cared about me! When I came back for them.... I guess I cried because I mourned that more than them. I didn't deserve any of that shite, and they didn't deserve my tears, but I cried anyways." X6, unsure of what to do, reached out and just barely touched her arm. He realized a second too late that her background could cause her to misconstrue his touch as something much worse; but all she did was close her eyes. She trusted him. She trusted him, and was accepting his comfort, no matter how weak and clumsy it was.

"And you," she continued with a shaky breath, "you loved the institute didn't you? You believed in them. You're allowed to mourn that. You can cry for that. No one will blame you. And if they do, I'll knock their lights out for you!" X6 gave her a look of surprise. Cait leaned back against the wall the same way he was sitting and smiled fondly.

"Those don't sound like my words, right? I knew they didn't. It's all that advice shit I heard from someone else." She closed her eyes and relaxed. "But they're still true. You can cry for them and still be loyal. Your past isn't who are, and the things you held onto in the past.... You can cry for those. We all do that shite from time to time. It's natural."

X6 was comforted by that.

By the time noon rolled around, Kayla had returned to Sanctuary, and X6 had made up his mind about things. He slowly climbed out of the sniper nest and walked toward Kayla's house, watching the settlers cooking their lunches. When he knocked on her door he just barely heard the "come in"; he knew that was unusual for Kayla. When he found her in her room, he understood why.

Her face was gaunt and her cheeks looked hollow, her hair even appearing to be lackluster and thin. She was trembling as she sat on her bed, staring blankly at the wall, and her hands were shaking violently as she fiddled with her gloves. X6 had seen her work herself into exhaustion a few times before, but never anything this bad. She looked like a hollow shell. X6 felt a wave of guilt wash over him because of the request he was about to make, but he knew logically that he wouldn't be much help in this state.

"Kayla. I need to ask you something." He started, and she suddenly looked up at him as if she hadn't known he was there. She hummed in reply and X6 had to continue.

"I need to spend some time away. From the commonwealth. I'm not emotionally capable of handling things at the moment and I need to go think." He said, gently, afraid that she may burst into tears or collapse again. Kayla slowly got up and nodded, taking a step closer.

"Can I give you a hug Alex?" She whispered, in a shaky voice. X6's mind waged war with itself. He knew she needed comforting, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He made a mental note to find one of her other friends and inform them of her condition.

"I don't really want to be touched right now, ma'am." At the 'ma'am', Kayla backed off, almost looking hurt. She fiddled with her gloves again, shoulders even more slumped than before, and he was suddenly reminded that Kayla hates not knowing where her friends are. She's terrified of losing track of a friend and losing them, she'd never let him go like this-

"Alex, you take as much time as you need. Think everything over and be free for awhile. You deserve it." She glanced around the room before turning to her her cabinet and pulling out a box of fancy lads. She ran her fingers over the box for a moment before handing it to him, smiling through watery eyes. 

"When you're ready to come back, we'll welcome you with open arms. Or, closed ones if you prefer that." She just barely giggled at her own joke before looking X6 in the eyes and smiling before she continued.

"Because you're family. Please come home safe. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

As X6 walked away from Sanctuary, traveling bag filled with supplies and one of Kayla's plasma pistols tucked under his courser uniform, he knew that he had to come back home to his family soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a lil bit of drama I guess! I was afraid I was gonna focus too much in my sole or make X6 too emotional, but I'm actually really proud of how this turned out. Also, fun fact: this is the first chapter I've written where I actually had played fo4 with X6 as a companion! Also, thank you so much to everyone who leaves kudos, and special thanks to those who leave comments! It makes really glad I worked up the courage to start posting. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Long time writing, first time posting! There isn't enough friendship based X6 stuff out there so I'm taking matters into my own hands. Next chapter will be up soon!


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